Hot Thang!

Today was the 5th day in a row I made it to the gym. Tues/Friday were days with Stein, but Mon, Wed, Thurs, I actually made it on my own and did those 2K rows. Today, I could think of every excuse in the world why meeting with Stein wasn't going to work; I don't know ... I have cramps. I woke up at 5:30 and I'm tired ... too much rowing ...

I woke up at 5:30 a.m., went toward the kitchen and something smells nasty. Oh hell, Stella the bulldog got diarrhea sometime during the night. Nope. Not going there... I turn around and go back to bed. And ignore it .... 7:00 a.m. I can't ignore this any longer. I clean up the crap, mop the floor, take out the trash. Damn. I have a doctor's appointment at 9:00 a.m. Go back to bed, pretend I'm just too wiped out to make the appointment. 7:30 a.m. Okay, that's lame. Get up, shower, scowl at the dogs who are cowering because they can tell I'm pissed. Open windows to air out the house.

Get to the Gyn, who is always droll. He does the PAP smear and palpates things that aren't supposed to be palpated and it doesn't feel good. He looks me in the eye as we discuss the issue of getting older, am I in menopause? No, not by a Looooong shot. Periods? Normal as they 've ever been, well I do have horrendous cramps.... He's been my Gyn for many years now. He's frank, honest, doesn't pull any punches. Offers me Motrin for my cramps, which I accept. I notice he has no problem with wiping his cheek right after taking the glove off his hand, and I'm kind of impressed that he's not grossed out that his hand was all up in me a couple minutes before, yet he doesn't even wash his hands. Weird that I took notice of this, but there ya go. Is this TMI? Yeah, to me, too. But what the fuck. Every chick goes through this, we just don't usually discuss it in detail. Suffice it to say, there is nothing more weird than a strange guy smushing your tits, then smashing your vagina in order to check everything out. Hey, Doc, it all felt okay when I got here.. now I'm not so sure... All the while we're discussing what my cervix looks like. Dude! I've never seen my cervix, and I see no need to see it now, in this sterile room with you. I can do this later with my husband, should we decide to do so. Do We Need to Be Discussing This? No. Not in this lifetime. I'm no prude, not by a longshot, but No One but a lover should be so intimate with these parts, which is probably why I do this only every three years, as prescribed by Dr. B.

Okay, so I go through that bullshit, after cleaning up dogshit, watering the tomato plants and trying to find some clean underwear. Once I get back home, I make coffee and healthy wholegrain soy-sausage egg mcmuffin's for my McMuffin, and then it's off to the Motorcycle Shop for more fun n' games.

It's a busy day, and I'm still coming up with excuses to skip my appointment with Stein. Except I know Stein's not going to accept my bullshit excuses today. I'm not sick, I haven't hurt anything, and I'm perfectly capable of doing my work out. So I go.

We start with kettle ball "throws", which means you bring it down through your legs, using your lower back, then up level to your face, using the momentum, continue up to a 20 count. Feels easy, up to a point. That point being when the lower back starts complaining about the effort, inner thighs straining, and lower back starting to strain. The sweat starts rolling and my lungs are aching. At about #10, I can feel it in my inner thighs, my abs and lower back. Stein tells me to focus on the lower back next time. I thought I was; guess I wasn't. Next, pull downs at 90 pounds, my personal best weight thus far (I've seen men who can't do this). Hell, I can't even remember the core exercise we did. But that's okay, I'll be reminded next week.

We do this two more times.

Second set: these ridiculous side-to-side skips, touching a 10 pound medicine ball from one cone on the left, ten feet over, touch down on the right. one and one, two and two, three and three... Are you kidding me? This hurts! I keep going. It sucks, what a great workout. Second exercise, hold a soccer ball between your feet, straight up. Take a weight in your two hands, and then stretch toward your feet. Count of 20. Ball plank, take two 15 pound weights and do some fly's. Yea! That's so much fun, I want to barf! Let's do that two more times!

Third set: One-leg push ups; sit on a bench, take a 20 pound medicine ball and then step up on one leg; do this 10 times on each side. You'd be surprised how hard this can be. One-armed wood choppers. I ask for an additional 10 pounds because, I suppose, I'm a masochist, but it's what I needed. Three-point plank: one foot in the air for 5 secs, the other foot up for 5 for at least 30 seconds total. It's harder than you think, especially after doing the first sets of exercises.

Here's where I discuss Stein's medicine ball: this thing is a three-foot circumference slightly smooshy ball that weighs 20 pounds. That seems easy, right? Well it's not. Try keeping one of these things aloft while you are doing lower body work. I sound like a whiner, but the truth is, the 20 pound medicine ball is a significantly difficult tool to work with and I don't like... no, not at all.

The end result of all this complaining? I feel like Super Woman, like I do every Tues/Friday and wiped out as I am, I know that my body is stronger than anyone would imagine. Powerful. Amazing. Healthy. Strong. Well, my Sun-ray calls me to tell me the sonogram of the 9 week old fetus shows four limbs, all in the right place, a nice round head, and a soundly beating heart... It's kicking and moving around like a tiny gummy bear, and all I can think is... wow! Wow! WOW! Sun-Ray is beaming, the happiest guy on the planet, and thankfully starting to consider finances and budgeting, which needs be done. Babies aren't cheap. Diapers are expensive. Thankfully, there are few of us more than interested enough to invest in baby stuff.

I get through this workout, in this week, the first week I'm pushed myself hard five days in a row, and I'm looking forward to a good five-mile hike with my doggies this weekend. Muscles are a bit sore, but they feel taut and strong, blood pressure is way down (as measured by Kaiser this a.m. -- at worst it was about 160/90, and is now 127/73 -- totally normal) and overall, I know from blood work earlier in this regimen, that my blood sugar is down from pre-diabetic to completely normal and my cholesterol is lowering dramatically.

And after I got home home and took a shower, I saw a body that I didn't have six months ago. It's a body reminiscent of one I used to know.

Hot Thang.