Stand!

Stand!

In the end you'll still be you
One that's done all the things you set out to do
Stand .. There's a cross for you to bear
Things to go through if you're going anywhere
Stand .. For the things you know are right
It's the truth that the truth makes them so uptight
Stand .. All the things you want are real
You have you to complete and there is no deal
Stand. stand, stand
Stand, stand, stand
Stand ... You've been sitting much too long
There's a permanent crease in your right and wrong
Stand ... There's a midget standing tall
And the giant beside him about to fall
Stand.
stand, stand Stand.
stand, stand Stand.
They will try to make you crawl
And they know what you're saying makes sense and all
Stand ... Don't you know that you are free
Well at least in your mind if you want to be
Everybody ... Stand, stand, stand

-----------------------

Carter had a pretty savage crossfit today, 5 rounds of:
250 meter row
20 push ups
20 sit ups
20 kettle bell swings

2 minutes rest.

Times five.

You'd be surprised how hard something like this can be, but the whole idea is to push as hard as you can, and check the recovery rate. Carter was very pleased to see that his recovery rate between 4 and 5 was about the same as between 1 and 2. I am somewhat jealous that I've not been able to do Crossfit for a few weeks...

The lazy part of me is loving the "rest" I get, doing Circuits only, though "rest" is an entirely subjective verb. But I miss the brutality of Crossfit -- the knowing you've pushed as hard as you can and feeling like a Monster in the end. Carter is getting so much smaller... I'm awed by his progress and the fact that he can push so hard. I swear he works out harder than anyone else at the gym (except Eric, maybe).

My workout comes tomorrow, and today, I would have been miserable. I was tired, cranky, the heater at work is nonfunctioning, and it was 58 - 60 degrees all day long. I put a space heater behind me which warmed my legs, but spent the entire day feeling as if the ground below my feet was a drift of snow. It was cold, I was cold, and frankly, absoltutely miserable.

nestled in the comfort of my toasty warm house, heat blasting and a fleece robe and blankie, Carter and I get to talking about where we are in this journey of ours. It started with weight loss; I started working with Stein because I wanted to lose weight for our wedding. The corset fitting (44" waist. No kidding) just deflated my ego, and I did not want to get married with a fucking 44" waist. The corset took me down to 40", and though it made a difference, it did not eradicate the knowledge of my hugeness.

I'd lost about 30 pounds by the time of the wedding, going from 220 lbs to 190. I was okay with that, really -- my waist was down to 39", which was pleasing.

But time has passed, and Carter and I keep on working out, both on our own and with our trainer. We work hard, I work through a variety of silly injuries that keep me back, Carter has just encounter his first injury from box-jumps and today, Burpees.

So as he nurses his knee, and I wonder if my hamstring pull is getting me out of the complacency of Circuit and back to Crossfit, we started talking about our goals. What are we getting out of this? What is it that makes it all worthwhile? Is it the weight loss? Or What?

It ends up here: I've lost between 35 and 40 pounds, keeping in perspective the large amount of muslce mass gained. I'm down to 184. That's a lot of weight for a woman, but it's an honest 36 pound weight loss. It took me 13 years to gain 80 pounds, and one year to lose 36. This could be viewed as slow going, or as a constructive weight loss commensurate in time to the years it took to put it on.

Carter's lost quite a bit of weight, but he looks like he's lost twice the weight. He looks terrific, and I've taken to calling him Skinnybutt, because he's so much more narrow than he's been in years....

But we did get to talking, and both of us acknowledge that although the weight loss was the primary consideration at first, at this point it's the health increases that carry more weight (pun intended). Carter's running now, I'm rowing thousands of meters. Recovery from Crossfit takes only a minute or two; used to be recovery from Circuits was several minutes. Where we once on the floor in exhaustion after Crossfit, we now sit up and, though breathing heavily, we can talk through the couple minutes it takes to completely recover. Everything -- endurance, strength, and recovery has become a no-brainer. And though for me -- at least -- weight loss is almost at a stand-still, my health gets better and better. I can keep up and best 90% of the walking zombie population. I can see fat people and both empathize with but not sympathize with them.

This shite takes work, it takes focus, and it takes being willing to work hard and keep working. It takes a lot of crap that our society doesn't emphasize; what you reap, you sow.... McDonald's is going to take the very breath out of you. Walking like you've got a purpose will only serve to make you stronger. Take that first step... and then keep walking. Then jog, and then run....

Eventually you will feel fit and ready to meet the world head on. It's a nice feeling to be here, and I'm ready to keep on with the good fight.

Oh, and while I poo-poo the weight loss in lieu of health, I have to add that I have lost 10 inches in my waist, down to 34", while my weight sticks at around 184. I have gone from a size 18 - 20 to a size 14 and I no longer purchase XXL tops; mostly I get L or XL's, depending on the fit. I'm still pretty big, but in my eye, I'm almost *tiny*. In comparison, I stand tall. I feel fit, I AM fit. That's better than just losing weight. I could've done Weight Watchers, the Zone, whatever... I chose fitness and health, not just weight loss. I think this is important.

Stand up for yourself; set yourself up. Do what you gotta do. Don't figure on losing the weight, lose the shame. Make yourself a better you... we're all in this together, and it takes work and dedication.

Stand, in the end you'll still be you.
One that's done all the things you set out to do.
You have you to complete and there is no deal...
Stand.