Tuesday, January 22nd, 2009 was my first anniversary working with Stein. What an uphill battle it's been. For both of us. I respect that he's put up with me; I respect myself for going through this year of work. It's been hard work. I read over my first blogs and see how things have changed, and those changes are amazing for me to realize. I hope Stein sees this, as he's been a great teacher, and it has been a long-ass year... for both of us.
On Wednesday of this week, January 20th, 2009 Stein took me back to Circuit Training because of a pulled hamstring. I have many physical issues, most of which I can do nothing about. The variety of injuries I've sustained over the last year (the elbow tendonitis, the pulled hamstring, a pulled quad) are vexing. I feel like I'm in very good shape, and yet my body wants to thwart me at every turn. I hate the constant reminders of my hand surgeries and the stupid foot surgery. I hate that I feel pain, and that it hurts enough that I have to say something about it. Dammit, I'm sick of my body getting the best of me. And yet, really, it isn't: In spite of the various problems, injuries and quirks, I keep doing this thing I'm doing. It must be a real pain in the ass for Stein to keep working around these issues, but you know, he does, and I'm proud of him for keeping me up to speed while paying attention. He does a great job and I respect him for taking the time to work with me. It must have been a long fucking year for Stein, working with me.
The hamstring problem has been haunting me since doing yoga with my homie, Xoxa Bell, on Christmas (caveat: do not do yoga with toddlers. They have no bones, tendons, or muscles. they simply bend). I'm a dumbass, thinking I can get all happy on a few glasses of wine and try to do yoga with a Gumby child. That's me, though, and here I am over a month later still paying the price. Oh well. the leg is getting much better, and I'll be back to Crossfit in a short while.
Fuck Yoga.
At any rate, My circuit on Tuesday was pretty hard, but not like it was the first 7 months of this journey, and I finally got to reflect on a lot of things. First off, moving to Crossfit was a great move. It's given me mental and physical endurance. It's tested my ability to persevere through sheer exhaustion. It's given me a powerful reason to finish and finish hard. It's taught me to stretch for the prettiest form I can do, the extra power, the bit of sump'n - sump'n that moves me past the mundane and into the extraordinary. And I'm a weak-sauce Crossfitter, but at least (I think) I get it. Second, it's amazing how much easier it gets the more time you put into it. The circuit training, I mean. It isn't really easy, per se, but it it significantly .... less hard. Let me not lull anyone into thinking this ever gets easy, because it doesn't. It just gets less difficult. And when it ever does get easy... well, you ramp it up so it isn't easy. This could end up a tautology, unless there's Stein who takes the endless loop and steadily increases the intensity. It's never easy. Never. It just gets better.
So when I did the Circuit on Wednesday, I realized that Crossfit has taught me to endure -- E.N.D.U.R.E. -- at any given point in the circuit that I felt like resting I harkened back to Crossfit (where I will be again when the hamstring heals, one hopes) and fight through the fatigue, the pain, or whatever the fuck else there is that, in the past, made me take that 2 minute break, that water break, that I can't do this anymore break. And Stein keeps prodding, jesting, pressing and otherwise pushing, pushing, pushing for me to do my best and keep the pace. He is relentless; he perseveres in believing in me and in never giving me obstacles that I cannot surmount. In short, he is a mentor, not just a trainer, and I owe a great debt of gratitude to him. I could have met any number of trainers at the gym, none of whom (and I've been watching them) would have, could have, set me the goals he has set, which I have met and still try to meet. He has never, ever given me a circuit or crossfit that I have "failed" because of my own weakness. He takes into account my faults, weaknesses and strengths and has always made me stretch -- but I have never failed for lack of ability. Injuries get in my way, sometimes I get in my way -- but Stein never, ever has gotten in my way.
I used the rowing machine for warm up on Wednesday, 1000 meters.... Stein was talking to someone when I finished, so I just kept rowing. After 1st set, 500 meters... again, Stein was talking to someone... so I get on rowing.... after set number two, 500 meters... the same. I kept rowing. When I first started this "project" rowing was a one minute operation. I set a goal, months ago, to beat this particular obstacle. Now I row. I row, and row, and row... I don't exactly love rowing, but I enjoy rowing. If only I could do the same with the stair master or the elyptical. Hell, get me to Eiffel Tower and I'll climb those many, many stories of stairs... and I will. I like the historic view... or a reason to do so.
Finally I've gotten to the place where I'm not looking for an 'out' or the 'rest' or the alleviation of discomfort. After a year, I'm just going to keep going. No matter what it takes.
For my own records, I did shoulder presses at 45 pounds (15 rep), againt for 12, and another for 10 or 12. 45 pounds feel like the weakness for me... but I really felt the work.
Circuit training is really rewarding, not in the same way as Crossfit, but equally as rewarding. Crossfit makes you wanna holla back, yeah, while circuits make you tired and worked in a different way. Crossfit is like taking on a fat fight and killin' it, while circuit training makes you feel powerful and strong, in a more pacifist way. I like 'em both, for different reasons. It's nice to feel like you had a good fight (crossfit) and nice to push the core of your muscle strength (circuits). It's also nice to come back to where I started and see how far I've come. Short but easy analogy: Crossfit is like a boxing match, as Circuit training is like shadow boxing. Both are hard; but only one punches back.
On the first anniversary of my journey, and I didn't know I was at my anniversary (and the subsequent workout today), I really, honestly, completely, enjoyed my workout. And I was sweating so hard my 3 foot long hair was wet with sweat. That's how it should be, and how I hope to spend the rest of my (hopefully) long life...
Good times, Stein, and Thank You. I hope the road ahead becomes less painful, a little easier (not much for me, though), and lot more rewarding. It's been a rocky road, dude. You've made me a better person in many ways. I hope that somehow, in some little way, my journey has impacted yours.
Shokran (thank you).
-- Heather Eve Wood
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